I had lunch with an old friend today and finally told her about my divorce. She was very compassionate and accepting. I was so relieved. I have this (irrational) fear that I will be judged when I tell friends about it. And although this blog is public, hardly anyone reads it and I’d like to keep it that way. Other than that, since I kept away from certain circles of friends in the last year of my marriage and throughout the separation and divorce process, reaching out to them hasn’t been very easy on my part. I told someone in my art circle about my status, and her reaction was very curious. She asked me: “Did you have someone on the side?” That was the last question I was expecting. I think I shook my head and walked away. I didn’t know what else to say to her. Reactions like hers make me anxious about reaching out to old friends who knew me pre-divorce.
I’m not sure why I’ve included that here. I guess it’s just that I never know who will be judgmental, who will be accepting and who will be apathetic. And for now, like these people on the BART trains, I continue to look down, pretend not to notice anyone else and mind my own business.